js – what comes first? the baby or the husband?

what comes first? the baby or the husband?
posted Thu, 04 Mar 2004 21:18:43 -0800

It’s strange, being a part of the first generation born in a different country. My parents, and my entire extended family all lived overseas. My mother and father moved here one year before I was born. We had a good life here. Even in spite of the divorce, I always felt that my parents raised me right. I grew up to be a good girl. Well…..what my mother doesn’t know won’t hurt me 😉 They instilled upon me a whole set of values, both from back home and from their adopted country. And one of those values is that one day, I would grow up, get married, and have lots of babies. Not unusual. Lots of famalies have those same values.

But having grown up in a different country from where my parents grew up, I also have the value that a girl should grow up, get an education, get a good job and have a great life. And somewhere between the education and the job, the husband and babies would come. And truth be told, that is the case for most of my friends. We all went to school, got good jobs, and now one by one they are getting married and having kids. Everything I ever wanted. Or thought I wanted. Still want? I’m not really sure about anything anymore. The older I get, with no marriage or babies in sight, the more I think about what I really want for my life.

I have the education, and the good job. And don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful boyfrined and he loves me very much. But he’s 4 years younger than I am. And I know what you’re going to say, 4 years is nothing. But when I turn turn thirty this year, and my boyfriend turns 26, the difference in our ages seems massive. I mean, we’ve talked about staying together forever and having kids someday, but my baby clock is ticking an his just isn’t. I know I can have kids for the next decade or so, but the fact is that many women my age are discovering just how difficult it can be to get pregnant. I’ve never even had a real scare. What if I can’t? What if I’m running out of time? My mother had me when she was 21. My older sister had her kids at 20. I have a ton of girlfriends my age who have multiple. And here’s the bottom line. I want kids. I’ll say it again, I WANT KIDS! I want bouncing baby girls and boys. As many as I can. But with a boyfrind that is still acting like he’s 16 years old, who figures why get married now, what’s the hurry?, I start thinking that I don’t want to wait till I’m old and gray for him to be ready. I’m to scared that if I do, it just may not happen for me.

And I’ll never get pregnant on purpose. That’s not fair, to anyone. I want to get married and then have kids. I know that worring about all of this is silly. But worry is what I do. I worry about a lot of things.

Thanks to my parents, and the life I’ve had, I really think it is important that I be married before I have children. That being said, the clock is ticking. And there still isn’t a ring on my finger, or a bun in the oven.

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